Back to

Warmer temps = 37f
Walking = first time since Monday
Reality = Paying bills and doing banking to cover them.
Sunshine = through the mid-afternoon clouds on the walk.
Family = the boy came home for the weekend and gave me hugs.
Basics = baked chicken, veggies, and brownies.

The Future = what does it hold for me?

---

the first thing this morning =
The Dream

you were sitting naked in bed...
(redacted as details are private)

when i woke, i was on my stomach and wrapped around one of my very soft flannel pillows as if it was you,
all snuggled in, and i was so very wet,
like how wet i was with you in the dream,
and how wet i was when i was there with you,
leaving your sheets 'a mess',
and i could hear rain on the window,
and i just closed my eyes, wanting it all back,
and it started right back in as us just lying snuggling into each other
hugging and touching each other so close,
breathing in and trying to keep your scent, your warmth close, your hardness against me and a thigh between my legs humping into me and me onto, you sometimes kissing me, softly,
only now we could both hear the rain on your window

then my alarm went off, and i just kept my eyes closed and let it play out, and went back into the dream,
with you, holding each other and rocking together
- this went on for several snooze alarms,
i didnt want it to end, you felt so good, and you said you missed hugging me,
i missed your hugs too.

i let my hand wander to my sex, into the wetness,
and came hard in just minutes,
then i buried my face back into my warm pillow,
trying to savour the dream, you, your scent, how you felt
then the alarm went off again
950a

i didnt want to get out of bed,
but i had to,
and i had to stop and write this down,
before i forgot every delicious bit and feeling

I love you.
That you can make me feel that way, even in just a dream
and yeah, i really miss your hugs
xx

it was then i realised the radio was playing Freak Out

Freak Out
Even in the morning

With the light upon your face,

I look up and show the motions I'll use.

I can hear you breathing,

I feel the space and I

Oh I,

I'll be the one you never know

Once you were the wildest man,

I never known,

Free from what the others said,
On your own,

I'll go, I'll go in the place you'll never know.



Wait until your wedding day,

Then you'll know
Take it for your medicine,

Take what you've sown



Freak out, freak out, freak out!

I've been shown

Will you look me in the eye?

Will you run from what you see?

Will you see me in the light?

I hope you do, I hope you stay
And never leave.

Once is never, nothing no...
I heard you've said,

Once is never, nothing no...
Take all you've hid

Freak out, freak out, freak out!

I've been shown,

Will you look me in the eye?

Will you run from what you see?

Will you see me in the light?

I hope you do, I hope you stay!



Even in the morning,

Even aside,

I come on over,

And wake you in the night.

I feel you tremble,

I hear you call,

I'll be waiting


Up inside the moment

I thought you knew,

I see you walking,

You're turning blue,
look over at me, and hear me say,

I'll be holding on for the day
Will you look me in the eyes?

Will you run from what you see?

Will you see me in the light?

Hope you do, I hope you stay!


Don't go running from the light,

Don't go running to the sea...
Come on up inside my mind,

I hope you go there, stay there,

Hide there,
waitin for you

and one of the end lines made me think of the ending of Annabel Lee
then right after, Emotional Rescue came on - I just laid there smiling to myself.

Kinda funny that those tunes and that poem would all come to mind just then.

---

From Today's Walk:

Ducks that never flew south live in the stream that feeds the two ponds at the cemetery:

blurry

better

No matter how many times you say *smile and say 'cheese'* they never seem to catch on.

really, they're just ducks, but the only thing photo worthy today. deal with it.

---

Tonight kinda ran the gamut again.
it seemed as if you were back on the surly, non-responsive, yet confrontational at your convenience kind of attitude...which to me equals = Man Rags.
Or.
Ground Hog Day revisited.
Didn't we just recover from a bout of that not too long ago?
and
Hadn't we just had Groundhog Day two days ago?

I used to wonder if I did or said something wrong,
until I learned otherwise.

Anyway,

Hugs to ya, for whatever is goin through your head, or eatin at ya, or just for being tired
or wasted.
Long days/weeks
very understandable.

Regardless, I am glad for the visit.

---

Exercise: Heaps of vacuuming and an hour in the cemetery with George.