The True Meaning

you've logged out
and now the movies have ended
i sit reading blogs, clicking 'next blog'
i am interested
i want to read more
more about what i want to, not what i've had to
pleasure reading
so i click away
to find blogs of crafts
or families
to see people posting photos of their families
their decorations and plans
i don't feel jealous
and not really lost
but just not in it
then on one journal here i see this
and i think yeah - that's it, that's what it is, all of us, here on a dot.
with all of our things, and their meanings (or what we find meaningful, or meaningless)
I think back.
I used to decorate, and craft, and bake.
I did it all, when it meant something.
I have all the things necessary, but if no one sees it but me, is it necessary? does it mean something?
so much work to put up and take down
to drive or buy or visit
not because you want to, but because it's expected
'everyone does it'
does it still carry a meaning, a tradition, a ritual, or is it all just going through the motions, for the sake of.
again, I don't feel bad
just not in it
I think about what you said earlier
about not having someone to share it all with,
or just to share with,
not even the 'xmas all' of it
but just the time
or winter
or the cold
or the lights
and walks
just that.
fin.