The Last Day

Today is my last day of my 47th year.

I have mixed feelings.

48 is so close to 50,

where as, 47 didn't seem too bad.

I was really hoping that this year someone would have found me.

Not that I was lost, but, to end this time of being alone.

I have friends, and they're great.

Some guys online to flirt with and have long chats with at times.

I need more.

It's time.

But the one guy I really like, is going through his own dramas,

and it's as if I don't exist anymore, even as a friend.

I miss him.

I miss the laughs.

I miss the hugs and flirtations past.

I miss talking, the laughing, and sometimes hanging out.

He is 47 as well, which makes it pretty cool, as throughout my life

guys my age were never interesting to me, nor me to them.

When I am around him it is so comfortable, like no other guy has ever been,

and I really like that, and how we can talk, share, and support each other.

I wish he'd start living again, but he has to come to terms with everything and finally decide that it is time to live versus time to keep mourning the past. This will take some time, but, in a way it's been a lot of time already - although, who am I to decide if it's been enough time or not for someone else. As I see it though, it's time to move on, and live again, and make the best of what his life is now and will become. But that's me, and I am not him. I know he is dealing with a lot of sadness, and I've been there, it sucks. Friends got me through, and I wanted to help him as others had helped me, but he feels he has to do this on his own, and I can respect that. I don't have to like it, as it means time away, and as I said, I miss him. I see him - but at a distance, and I don't like that either, I prefer him close. Perhaps one day he will be again, and it'll be all good, sorted, and back to being close and comfortable. For now, an occasional smile, wave and the rare chat makes it better than nothing.

Anyway.

Not sure what tomorrow will hold in store,

I know the kids have made some plans - I am very excited to see them, and share hugs.

I walked with my old mate George again today.

It was nice and I needed it.

I've been feeling out of sorts - tired, head-achy, upset stomach, and even though I've been walking to work nearly every day, I felt as if I had been so lazy. An hour and a half later of walking through the cemetery and I felt heaps better. I told my troubled friend about the cemetery. Hopefully he'll go to walk and find some solace there among the paths and monuments to clear his head and become more at peace with himself and his life. I often wish he'd call me for a simple walk together as that would certainly help the feelings of missing him and I'd be guaranteed at least two hugs. (one to greet me, and one to say goodnight) I am greatful for reconnecting with George and how well we get along after all the time apart, we don't play together or against each other on the courts anymore, but the walks are very welcome and comfortable. The hug at the end is very nice too. I appreciate all hugs from good friends. I crave them from my kids and that one special friend.

Oh, check out the name on this monument - I cracked up - poor buggar to go through life with such a name. He lived to be like 90+ too! I only captured the surname and left off the personal details - if you wanna see more - c'mon up for a walk!

The things I want most tomorrow are hugs, from my kids and on the very off chance - from my friend. I won't hold my breath, but that would be my greatest wish. Anything above that is all bonus.

¡Abrazos!